Fuck if I know.

SO, I had a very interesting one-sided conversation with the father just a while ago. He came into the room, commented about me being on the computer, then asked, all serious-like, "So what are your percentage chances on making it into a university?" Well, fucked if I know. If I faced up to it and searched for the answer, I would realize that I won't make it anywhere, be fantastic in anything. I'm the sort to be able to learn a lot of stuff, but to exel in not a single one of them. A jack of all trades and a master of none. Perfect for me.
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Self-pity; i'm wallowing in it right now, it would seem. BUT. I don't think so. I'm being realistic. Better that I face up to it now than to go bumbling around in life, trying hard to exel just to please people. Or maybe that's wrong. I've given up doing things just to make people happy a long time ago. Everything i do, there has to be something in it for me. Sometimes, the feeling I get when I give people a nice surprise would motivate me to do so. Most of the time though... I don't care. That way, they don't expect it. When it does happen, they go all "=O?!" and get a shock. or something. i don't care. And sometimes i do it just for fun.
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Ugh. Sometimes I just feel like helping him fall down a long flight of stairs. It gets so infuriating. Now that I'm back, what happens? Mmm, I get called to do his tiniest bidding. Even if he was the one who was nearer say, his phone, he'd summon me to go take it to him. What the hell does he think I am? a slave to go run around at his beck and call? Fuck no!
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But I've managed to keep out of his way so far. We haven't had a long talk yet. I keep it short. Maybe once i crave a little excitement I'll respond when he gets angry. Or maybe not. I'm leaving in 2 months. Keep my eyes on that and I'll be able to get through the summer break without much happening.

Mmm mucho loves.

To Vivienne!
Got your letter yesterday Viv, and thank you so much. When I opened it up and read what you had written, you had me nearly crying. Miss ya that much, yanno? The time and effort you must've put in for that mail to me.. It just touches me deeply. In a non-pervy way. Haha. In all seriousness, I loved it. Thank you. When I get back 15 days- HUAH!-, we're going to have to meet. HAVE TO HAVE TO. Before you head to Melbourne. Yeap yeap. Okay.
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Another question I was musing upon-
Would you rather live forever, or die tomorrow?
I think I'd prefer to die tomorrow. The prospects of living longer than all the people I love, and the utter boredom I'd go through for all eternity.. No please.

Over the past couple of days..

I've been thinking. Yes, I do think. Haha. But anyway.. What started it? Well... Lex said something.. And I started pondering. Musing upon stuff like..
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If I ever had a major falling out with each of my friends [yes, I took different people and put them into the same situation each time around], I wonder what would happen? Yes, we'd just go on and live life. That's what everyone does, anyway. Nothing much we can do. But that's in black and white. The basic of everything. But what about the grey areas, the in-betweens? The personalization of the situation? Everyone reacts to the same situations differently.
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Something else I was musing upon... Would I [or you] prefer being screwed over, or screwing someone over? Say it has to do with friendships and all. Relationships. Not actual sex, you pervs. Haha. I would.. Hmm. I could say how I think I would react, but push come to shove and I'm in the actual situation... I don't think I'd do as I thought I would. Ever happened to you? Happens to me a lot. But anyway, I think I would personally prefer screwing someone over. Because I could always apologize and attempt to make the situation better. I don't trust easily, so if I were screwed over by a friend whom I had opened my heart up to and thought I could count on.. Meh. The personal, emotional pain is just.. I can't cope. Oh lulz. I don't deal with emotional stress very well. It's selfish, but yes. Another thing that would add in to this is... Which one of my friends it is. There are some people whom I wouldn't mess up for the world- They mean that much to me.
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Also. Do you read meanings into something that isn't there? I do it a lot. A whole lot, in fact. Especially when it comes to people. Which.. Isn't good, but I don't know. I'm suspicious.. And wary. I used to be gullible and naive! What happened? D8 But I digress.. I used to trust everyone and anyone. But now... It takes me longer to trust people. Like Lex said, I have commitment problems. I've been taken advantage of too many times. Best thing is.. I never know until someone else tells me... Or something blatantly obvious happens. XD Oops. Even now though. When I trust someone, I really place my faith in them. So.. It's still easy to take advantage of that. Haha meh. When I grow older I'd probably call myself ten kinds of idiot, but... I haven't been hurt enough to bother changing myself now. P8 I'm a moron. yes. OH WELL.
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Last question for today.. If you had the chance.. Would you choose to live forever? ... I don't think I would. x_o
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That is all. 8D

If you wanna lie, at least make up something believable.

Hell yeah. Y'know, if someone want to stop talking to me over IM, they could always tell me to my face. I don't mind if people want to end the conversation because we've run out of things to say- Hell, i can even tolerate you telling a lie once in a while. But if you choose to keep lying, at least, PLEASE FUCKING LIE PROPERLY. No, seriously! Don't tell such an obvious lie, especially not to me. Because i do not hesitate to point it out. Thought i was nice? Time to re-think that because seriously, i do have the guts to say something which would sever friendships. Especially if we were never close in the first place.
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Also... I don't like the feeling i get when i think i'm being used. Mmkay? I'm always there for my friends. I listen, i symphatize [if i feel that i should be condoling rather than giving them a swift kick of reality], and edge in my opinions somewhere. Sometimes i'll tell them flatly that they should get over it because it's a small matter, sometimes i let them go on and on and on. Because that's why i'm their friend. I'm here to listen. To anything. I'm the sort of person who would attempt to beat up the source of my closer friends' problems if i'm on their side of the matter. Think of it like the knight in shining [... k maybe tin-can] armour who slays the princess' dragons. It's amazing, that i can let myself be so worked up over problems that are not mine. Like a week ago. It fair kills me that i can't be home right now, so that i can help shield my friend from her problems. I'm super worried right now, and it's pissing me off that i can't do more than to just call her. Just... Ugh. By the time our conversation was over, i was so full of rage and badly wanted to punch something. I still wish i was there, yanno.
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But i sidetracked. Being used... I don't like the fact that i'm always there for people, and they take advantage of that fact. I get freakin' ignored unless they have a problem. Sure, i'm happy to listen and help them out as best as i can, but it does NOT mean they only talk to me when thye're in trouble! Who the hell do they think they are? If we don't even have a normal friendship, how can they just expect me to be there for them? No seriously, think about it. Sometimes, i wonder if i have this huge flashing signboard above my head which says TELL ME YOUR SECRETS EVEN IF I DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU ARE. Seriously!
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Blah. Just, just, BLAH.

Omigoshhhh!

Warning: Rantish post ahead. Language included.
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I don't get it anymore. Just. Gosh, i'm so fucking pissed off you have no idea. I can't win, can i? I can never win. No, adults always have the upper hand. Because they're wise and full of wisdom and if we were smart, we'd follow in their footsteps nyeh?
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Bull shit. Fucktards are full of BS, always. "Listen to us lawl we know everything and want to know everything you get up to send us your homework and marks and holiday assignments". Right. As though i'm going to send it so you can laugh at my lameshit work. Don't dare say you won't. You always have, always will. Never going to change. I'm so glad i don't type out my homework, and hand write everything. The mere idea of sending my work to you is appalling. Just... Gosh.
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Grrr, just GRRRRR.
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Okay. Moving on...
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Just started my 2 week break, and half of the first week is officially over. Did quite a bit of work, but i have a TON more to do. I need to go purchase mountain climbing equipment and THEN figure out how to scale this wall of homework. Right now, my mind is just boggled. Too much homework. Blah. Let me rephrase that... Too much fecking homework that makes no sense. Blah. BLAH. English is just.... USELESS. Econs... Ehhhhh.
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To top that mess off, i lost ALL my bio notes a couple weeks before the holidays. How stupid can stupid get? So now i have to re-do everything. Yes, Rie iz smrtz. Vry smrt. Have to do everything again. 8D
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Not having a very good time, 'vryone. My apologies if i snap at you, or if my mood just fluctuates wildly.
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And woah. This isn't very coherent, is it?

Australia

Well, people have been wanting to know what's been going on for me. Here's a little update.
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First off, i would like to emphasize on something. No matter how many times i repeat it, people keep buggering me about it! ... NO, I do NOT have, and am NOT getting a boyfriend. No way. Not yet. Distracting, much? Between studying and cleaning up the remains of my exploded brains from the ground, i hardly even have time to sleep. Getting one of those boy creatures would just make it worse for me. I do not have enough of that precious resource called time to even get 8 hours of sleep at night- I'm averaging 5-6 hours at best. Not good.
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I realized something. Something i never knew. Whenever i'm tired or overworked or stressed, i tend to go emo. Wayyyy emo. I get all depressed and lose hope and things like that. [Kudos to Lex, Jen, Lew and Viv for pulling me through. <3 style="font-style: italic;">Dejavu. How utterly appalling. I'm supposed to keep my speech interesting to get high marks, but simple enough so that the rest of the class understand. This is going to be one heck of a challenge. Guess my subject? ..... Global warming. How absolutely boring. How am i supposed to liven it up?
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Now i'm going to describe a couple of my friends here. Dorcia and Vivian. Dorcia is a couple years older than Vivian and i- She's 19. Geeze, old hag. Heh heh heh. Vivian is... 3 days older than i am. Spankin', innit? I'm still the tallest. ... Okay enough gloating. Hahaha. They're just.. Weird. We're very weird. Dorcy's from Singapore too, Vivvy is from Malaysia. Not expanding very far am i?
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HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY LEXLEX. <3 style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">'The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.' -
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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VIVIENNE. You.... Cheer up, srsly! Maybe when you get my letter you'd be happier. Here's something for you too: 'We all have ability. The difference is how we use it.' -Stevie Wonder
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To all those taking your Os... You can do it. I'll be there for you when you collect your stuff, for now, just study hard, but don't forget to take breaks. 'Time is the scarcest resource; Unless time is managed, nothing else can be managed.' - Peter Drucker
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To the rest who didn't get a personal shoutout.. Don't be sad. I GIVE YOU QUOTE TOO K.
'The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that our aim is too low and we reach it.' - Michelangelo
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I can hear you all saying... "WOW CHERIE SO DEEP." Well, what can i say? I'm maturing. Sad. LIVE WITH IT MAI BEETCHES.
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<3,
Cherie.

D8

Sometimes, the world just turns too fast for me. It spins along on it's merry way, whisking me along as my mind is stuck in the sewers of two months before. Ever felt that way? It's really weird. Take now, for example. I cannot comprehend that the 8th of July is fast approaching- No, i refuse to believe that it's a scant six days away. Hardly a week!

Been running around frantically on the rat wheel of life, trying so hard to keep up. Packing, spending almost all my time with friends. Everyone shows me this face; 'D=', but sometimes i wonder if they actually feel the opposite of what theyre showing me. But you know, that's being pessimistic, so i'm going to change tact.

OMG, LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW EVERYONE IS GOING TO MISS ME.

Okay, so i can't pull that happiness off. Seriously, though, now i'm going to have to send rgular emails to... Let's see.. One, two, three.. Four and five people? Oh, mannn! Hahaha it'd be so hard, yet so fun. I think sending emails are pretty exciting, but i love getting mail the old way- Through posting and all. I just don't like having to remember how many stamps i should stick on and stuff. So i'm going to stick to the fast and easier and FREE-ER way.

My skin is pink. Sleeping in the sun is a bad idea.

I got bloated twice today, i think i ate too much. My stomach felt very uncomfortably full, and best part? I had four people using me as a cushion. Cheryl's head was on my stomach, and i felt so queasy that i wanted to throw up. I don't think they'd have been very happy if i up-chucked over the KC Sailing banner AND their clothes and bodies.

I FELL TWICE IN TWO DAYS. I can't walk properly, i swear. Yesterday, i started jogging towards a friend, then my ankle twisted and i sprawled on the path. How humiliating. Today, i took and running jump and landed. Then i fell to my knees and nearly ended up having a mouthful of sand. Ew. My friend Rachel from RGS started teasing me, so i ran after her and whacked her. Felt very good after that!

I'm very tired, my brain is not working. I'm going to sleep.